We live in a time where most of us have watched the movie " The secret" and know that we need to make a list of all the things we want in a partner, but are we coming from the heart when we make this lists? or are we coming from fear, past pains, projections, other people's influences of what we need to be complete and happy and what might or might not be the right fit for us.
We want the whole package, someone just "perfect" for us.Unfortunately sometimes we end up meeting someone that on the outside meets our list requirements, but we feel a lack of connection, fear, and that something's just not right.
So what is going on in this situations?
Well, the question that we have to ask ourselves as my friend Kira said the other day on our lunch is: how do I want to feel in a relationship? Vs. what do I want?
Love is an energy, a feeling, connection. It does not belong on our heads, but in our hearts.
We must get clear on how we want to feel first, do you want to feel accepted, appreciated, treasured, adored, secure, peaceful, silly, supported?
Perhaps the person that comes in to your life doesn't have it all figured out. Perhaps they are not the age you expected, looked how you wanted them to look, they have their own insecurities ( as we all do), but what if this person evokes beautiful feelings in you and has similar values?
Are you willing to explore? are you willing to let go of your rigid ideas?
When I met my partner, he was not all the things that had on my lists, however, he does posses the qualities that I most admire in people, we share similar core values and the way I feel in this relationship is very different of how I felt in many others.
I guess what I'm trying to get at is:
Use your lists as a guideline but do not get attached to them, remain open to receiving love in unexpected ways.
And do ask yourself this 3 important questions:
1. How would I like to feel in a relationship?
2. what are my core values?
3.what are the 3 top qualities that I admire most in others?
Write it all down.
You can do this on your own or If you need further exploration an clarification of your core values consult with a Life Coach or Therapist, this are key questions that will reveal what will help you truly open yourself to receive the love you deserve!